“the battle is over
i’m done fighting myself
stressing over what i’ve done
or what i should have done
simply does not help
i want to see myself without pointing fingers
to move forward with grace
to see mistakes as lessons
and allow them to improve
my future actions
instead of being attached to the past
i want to peacefully connect to the present”
-Yung Pueblo
This ongoing fight we often find ourselves in goes beyond what this poem alone can express. It’s not just about wrestling with the person we used to be, especially in our case when we drank—the mistakes, the regrets—but also with the uncontrollable forces that shape our lives.
Take this past week, for example. Hurricane Helene brought devastation across the southeastern U.S., and living here in Tampa, near the bay, meant anxiety set in quickly as soon as the news buzzed about a potential hurricane moving up the Gulf of Mexico. I had a plan for my week, but in an instant, that plan no longer mattered. Almost mockingly, I could hear my mother’s voice echoing: “Uno pone y Dios dispone” (we make plans, and then there’s God’s plan).
As the county’s evacuation order rolled out, the frustration bubbled up inside me. The heat of resentment was almost palpable—toward Florida’s climate, what felt like a slow response, even the inconvenience of leaving home. Why can’t evacuation be a calm, organized process instead of this panic? I thought while hurriedly packing Cruz’s things—his food, bed, bones, and snacks—under his watchful gaze.
What I missed this week was an important reminder: it’s crucial to let go of attachment to things we can’t control. Peace comes when we can release that grip. Until we do, we’ll keep fighting—not just against ourselves but against the world around us. My week would have been much easier on my body if I had leaned more on that, but I’ll give myself grace as I’m only a human, and hurricanes are incredibly stressful and terrifying events.
Reflect:
When was the last time you found yourself in a struggle against something out of your control? How do you catch yourself and bring yourself back?
Want to Explore More on Control?
I have a worksheet on letting go of what’s out of your control and an episode from the Bottomless to Sober Podcast on control. You can find both linked here.
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