Link to Spotify
In this episode:
In this episode of Bottomless to Sober, I return after a long (super long) hiatus to share life updates, including the birth of my daughter, Amara, and my journey into motherhood. I reflect on how sobriety has equipped her to navigate the fear and uncertainty of major life changes, from her early delivery due to health concerns to the sleepless nights of newborn care. I also revisit into the importance of setting and honoring boundaries in 2025, encouraging you to stay committed to your limits and prioritize self-care amid life’s challenges.
Resources:
Bottomless to Sober – Coaching, Classes, and Workshops
Atomic Habits Book Study With The Luckiest Club
Six-Week Writing to Heal Program – Starts March 3
Transcript
00:03 – Jessica Dueñas (Host)
Hello, and I would want to say happy 2025, but we’re about two weeks into this to take care of yourself and to cope and to manage with everything that the world throws at us, because it seems like we live in forever unprecedented times and I don’t think that we will ever live in precedented times ever again. So a couple of quick updates. It’s been a long time since I have recorded a single podcast episode, a single podcast episode, and the funny thing is I was moved to record today because a family member who I had had a disagreement with and who I’ve mentioned before on this podcast, decided to, I guess, listen to enough episodes of the podcast to hear something about themselves that they did not like and call me out on it, which they already knew. And I was like you know what? Like, that was the fire that I needed to start recording again. Like, yeah, like, let me, let me go ahead and start recording again. So, y’all, I am back and I cannot promise you with any consistency that I’m going to be back, but I’m going to record when I can and when I feel fired up, and I do feel fired up today. So, fun fact, I’m a mom. I had my daughter, amara on December 21st.
01:34
I did not talk about my pregnancy at all on the podcast last year because I didn’t want to. I really just wanted to savor and enjoy this pregnancy on my own, and it was great. It was great I came out publicly about my pregnancy towards the end. I shared in late October, early November, and then I had the baby in December. So I really gave myself and my family a lot of time to enjoy my pregnancy on my own, trying to think of what else I was going to say.
02:02
Sorry for the random pause. It’s been a long time since I’ve recorded anything, so it’s just like Ooh, my brain is, my brain is a little bit mushy. Another thing I will say is that my daughter, amara, is currently strapped to my chest, sleeping as we speak, and so if you hear any random baby noises, that’s just going to be a part of my background noise, I assume, moving forward, as I don’t plan on editing her out. You know I’m recording as my life is and I’m a mom now, so there’s a little human on me. Fun facts, right, but anyway, um, so yeah, I I’ll share a little bit about actually having Amara, right.
02:40
So she was originally due January 6th. That would have been when I hit 40 weeks of pregnancy. However, because my pregnancy was determined high risk due to my quote unquote advanced maternal age of being 39 years old and pregnant, the doctors from early on told me we would deliver week 39, which would have been around December 29th. Me we would deliver week 39, which would have been around December 29th. However, on Thursday, december 19th, when I was going in for one of my routine checkups, uh, things changed quickly. My blood pressure was starting to spike for about a week and they were worried. The medical team was worried that I was developing preeclampsia, which can be a deadly blood pressure spike that can impact your liver and all sorts of other things, and so they were looking out for that. And around this time, my mother had also had a fall where she broke her hip, and that was a very solid health scare where we didn’t know at certain times if my mom was going to make it. So my blood pressure, in my opinion, was justifiably elevated, right, because my mom was not doing well. However, the doctors didn’t care about that. They just cared about the fact that my blood pressure was elevated and I was pregnant. So, regardless of the cause, right, my risk for preeclampsia was significant enough where, as soon as I hit 37 weeks, they said hey, it’s time for us to go ahead and deliver this baby. She’s full term and we need you to be healthy, we need your baby to be healthy.
04:20
And so what I will say is that, as as soon as the doctors told me that I had to deliver, like a few weeks early, my eyes just completely welled up with tears. Like, yes, I wanted to meet my daughter. Of course I did, but I was holding on to that December 29th y’all. Like that was my lifeline, um, you know. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t prepared. I’m a type A person so you better believe that I had that nursery put together for her in September. There were so many people including, I’m sure, some of you as listeners who contributed um to the registry, right. So I had all the things ready for her.
04:59
But mentally I didn’t feel like I was ready. Yes, I, I wanted to get pregnant and I was already nine months pregnant, so you would think that I would have been ready, but there was just something in me that was was just not ready for the official, the formal transition, right. Like I was terrified of going into labor and of stepping into motherhood. And so when the doctor said we’re probably going to need to deliver, we’ll call you and confirm in a couple hours I left that doctor’s office and I ran to the grocery store and I filled my cart with anything I could think of. I was just in this panic, almost frenzied phase of oh my goodness, like I’m not ready, I’m not ready, I’m not ready. But here’s the thing Even though I was experiencing that panic in that moment, the reality was that I was ready. Right, sobriety had always prepared me for navigating fear and uncertainty, right? Yes, this was a new test, but deep down, there isn’t anything that I cannot face, that I won’t emerge stronger for facing.
06:14
There is a Brianna Weiss entry of the pivot year that I love and I adore, and it’s entry 170 of the pivot year, and this is what Brianna Weiss wrote how do you finally stop worrying? You realize that the version of yourself that will be able to handle every situation that might arise in your life will be born in the precise moment that situation comes to be. No matter where your path might take you or where you go, the version of yourself that you will need in those moments will emerge right as you need it and not a second before. You cannot call upon all the parts of yourself to exist at once. Different versions of you are needed for various aspects of your life. Find peace in knowing that you are more than one thing than one thing, and within the layers of who you are, both visible and invisible, exists a strength that is equal to or more powerful than anything you may come to face. Right, I love that.
07:21
And at the end of the day, when the doctor did call me back and said hey, jess, it’s time to report, we need you at 9 pm in the hospital for induction, yes, I let out some heavy sobs oh, my gosh. And I was like holy crap, this is it, isn’t it? But you know what, two days later, 36 hours of labor later, when that baby girl, amara, was born and I crossed that threshold into motherhood, I realized that I would be good. Even if this is all brand new to me, even if it’s also confusing sometimes and exhausting, sobriety has taught me that I can face anything and all things and still be just absolutely fine. And you know, the funny thing is that now you know my baby. She’s been here for a couple of weeks. She’s about three, three and a half weeks old and there’s certain principles about sobriety that just sort of translate. And and that’s what I love about this recovery work that we do is that once we get the handle of staying sober, we can take those basic principles and apply them to everything else. Right.
08:38
And so with sobriety being patient right, not giving up no matter how tempting it is to and that’s the same thing with this baby thing. Right, it’s only been a few weeks and the first week especially was so, so challenging, just kind of navigating the hospital issues and figuring out things with, like, her nutrition and some health scares that we had. There was a lot there and there were a few moments where I was like I don’t know how I’m getting through this, but I did, but I did. I’ve gotten through 100% of the worst days of my life. There’s absolutely no reason why I can’t get through motherhood. Right. And the same thing with sobriety Also, just the value of showing up every day.
09:28
Even when it’s hard, eventually things start to get easier. Again, it was a harsh reality to wake up every two to three hours in like the first week and a half, two weeks. Now there’s more flexibility there in terms of it still hurts like hell don’t get me wrong to wake up every two to three hours, but oh, and you hear her making her little cue noises. But we get through it and I’m getting more comfortable with the schedule of being a mom, right? And so, again, you go through the heart adjustment and you start to slowly get through it, and that that’s what I’m learning, and from what I hear from all the mothers with more experience than me is that it continues to just get better, right? So, with that being said, I wanted to also just talk a little bit about today the power of boundaries and just those reminders of how powerful boundary setting is and continues to be in 2025.
10:35
Now, I had completed a book study with the luckiest club for the book of boundaries back in October, and it has been very important to continue to set the boundaries that are necessary. Like I said, um earlier, there, I had had an interaction with a family member who was insisting that you know we should, you know, be in touch and that you know I had to have this daughter so that they should be, you know, receiving pictures and like having the opportunity to celebrate her, and you know all these different things, except that, at the end of the day, right, that’s not happening because it’s a decision that I made and it’s a decision that I’m I’m sticking with Right. And so if any of you in this time of the year, now that the holidays have passed and now that we’re slowly getting into January, right and quitting day passed the other day quitting day for those of you who don’t know is I want to say it’s the second Friday in January where people set resolutions and then, by then, they decide to quit them. And what I’m encouraging you to do is to stick to whatever you, whatever your limits are, continue to honor them. Right, the the hard work is continuing to stay true to whatever you said that you were going to do, because it’s very easy to get wrapped up in what other people have to say.
11:59
It is very easy to start to feel guilty and to start to feel uncomfortable. And what I always say to other people, when you start to feel guilt about setting boundaries and limits for yourself, is what Dr Pooja Lakshman says in Real Self-Care about guilt, and that is that she reminds us that guilt is always going to be there. It’s just a default feeling that we’re going to feel, and we can treat it like those check engine lights that we have on cars right, if you’re driving on a highway and you see that check engine light, it doesn’t mean that suddenly you abruptly stop driving, you pull over and that’s it. You’re not getting to your destination. No, you continue to get to your destination, you continue driving, you’re aware of that light going on and maybe you’ll check it later but you’re not letting that light completely derail what you’re doing.
12:49
And so when I started to feel slight guilt, when I started to question myself and my boundaries earlier today, I had to stop and remind myself that, no, I made this decision for a good reason, and the people who I allow in my life, they earned their spot in my life. People don’t earn their spot in my life simply because we’re related. They have to actually earn their spot in my life. And so same thing for you. If you are in a situation where you are questioning things, where you are doubting the limits that you put on yourself, remind yourself of your why, remind yourself of why you made the decision that you made and go with it. The other thing worth noting is that if you are exploring your why and that why is no longer relevant, is no longer powerful and you are giving yourself, you’re questioning it. You can also give yourself permission and that flexibility to change your mind right. We don’t have to. The boundaries that we set don’t have to stay boundaries forever. It’s good to reevaluate and when you reevaluate you can decide if you want to keep that boundary as it is or if you want to change it or adjust it.
14:11
So with that, really, I’m just going to kind of end up just rambling on if I stay on here, but I just wanted to get back on and I wanted to use my voice and I wanted to say hello. There’s so much that has happened, I suppose, and this is just the beginning of catching up. But thank you for listening, thank you for following my randomness on today’s episode and I look forward to getting getting back on here with y’all and talking more. So thanks so much for listening and I hope to catch you all soon on the next episode. Bye.
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