In this episode:
Whether you’re raising kids, teaching, or questioning your own drinking—this one’s for you.
Addiction isn’t about being bad. It’s about being human—and healing is possible. I share some powerful stats from author Jessica Lahey, and reframe the shame with truth and compassion.
Resources:
My Interview With Jessica Lahey in 2024
Bottomless to Sober – Coaching, Classes, and Workshops
Transcript:
Jessica Dueñas:
Hey, everyone. Thanks for tuning back into Bottomless to Sober. If you’re new to the podcast—welcome. If you’ve been hanging out with me for a while, you know that this space is all about telling the truth—whether it’s about addiction, recovery, healing, or simply holding on to hope.
Today, I want to talk about something I believe every educator, parent—really, every human—should know. It’s this important reminder:
Addiction is not a moral failing.
It’s not about being weak.
It’s not about making bad choices.
It’s not about lacking willpower.
Addiction is complex. It’s biological. It’s psychological. And it’s so deeply misunderstood.
Last week, I had the opportunity to hear bestselling author Jessica Lahey speak here in Tampa. I’ve been following her for a few years, and let me just say—not only is she brilliant, but she also gives the best hugs. It was so nice meeting her in person. I’ve actually interviewed her on this podcast before, and I’ll link that episode in the show notes.
Jessica wrote two incredible books that I wish had been required reading back when I was still in the classroom—or even in college studying to become an educator.
The first is The Gift of Failure, and the second is The Addiction Inoculation.
One of the facts she shared during her talk absolutely knocked the wind out of me—again. I’ve heard it before, but it still hits hard every time:
If an 8th grader tries alcohol or drugs, they have a 50% chance—a coin toss—of developing substance use disorder in their lifetime.
That 50% chance is real. And it’s a powerful argument against the idea that, “Well, I’m okay with my kid drinking as long as it’s at home and I take away the car keys.”
No. That risk is significant.
But here’s the hopeful part:
If they wait until 10th grade, that 50% chance drops in half—to 25%.
If they wait until 12th grade, the risk drops again—to about 10%.
And that 10%? That’s the same as the general adult population.
In The Addiction Inoculation, Jessica offers scripts and practical advice for talking to your kids—especially teens—about alcohol and drugs. Her approach is all about transparency. Like saying:
“Hey, your brain isn’t fully developed yet. When alcohol or drugs enter your body, they affect your brain differently than they do for adults. I highly recommend waiting. And when you’re an adult, you can make your own decisions.”
Having real, honest conversations like that can make a big difference. When young people understand that they could become addicted, it might help dissuade them from trying it in the first place.
Let’s come back to that 10% number—the adult addiction rate.
That means 1 in 10 adults is living with substance use disorder.
Think about that. One in ten. That could be a teacher.
A parent.
A doctor.
A neighbor.
A youth pastor.
A coach.
It was me—struggling with alcohol behind closed doors while publicly being celebrated as Kentucky’s State Teacher of the Year.
And yet I carried shame—like my drinking was proof that I was broken, or reckless, or bad.
But here’s the truth:
Addiction says nothing about your character.
It’s about how you’ve been coping.
It’s about trauma.
It’s about how our brains learn to survive pain.
When we really understand that, we stop asking people, “What’s wrong with you?” and instead we start asking, “What happened to you?”
Jessica Lahey made another powerful point during her talk. She explained addiction through a gun analogy I hadn’t heard before.
She said that genetics are like a loaded gun. That’s your predisposition—your family history.
But trauma? Trauma is what pulls the trigger.
In other words, even if you’re genetically predisposed, it often takes life experience—stress, loss, pain—for addiction to surface.
So again, instead of judging people, we ask: What happened to you?
Now, if you’re listening and thinking, “Could I be that one in 10?”—I get it. I was there too. I asked myself that question a lot. And yep, I Googled it a lot.
You can search “Am I an alcoholic?” and take all the quizzes. But when you start digging, you’re going to see terms like “heavy drinking,” “alcohol use disorder,” and others. And it can get confusing fast. So let’s break it down.
According to the CDC:
- For women, heavy drinking means 8 or more drinks per week.
- For men, it’s 15 or more drinks per week.
And yeah, that probably doesn’t sound like a lot—especially if you compare it to how alcohol is normalized in our culture. But science isn’t measuring social norms.
It’s measuring risk.
When we talk about alcohol use disorder—also known as alcohol addiction—we’re talking about a medical condition. It might look like:
- Needing more alcohol to get the same effect
- Trying to cut back but not being able to
- Continuing to drink even when it causes problems at work, in relationships, or with your health
Regardless of the label you use, if your relationship with alcohol is hurting you, it matters.
Here’s the thing: drinking in a problematic way increases your risk for over 200 health conditions.
That includes liver disease, certain cancers, heart issues, depression, and anxiety.
And that’s just the physical stuff. It doesn’t even touch the emotional toll—
The isolation.
The shame.
The broken promises to yourself.
The loss of trust in your own word.
But here’s the wild part:
You don’t need to hit a “rock bottom” for your drinking to be a problem.
You don’t need a diagnosis.
You don’t need to wreck your car.
You don’t need to go to rehab or have liver disease or get a DUI.
You don’t need any dramatic moment to deserve a better life.
That’s why I love this quote from author Laura McKowen—who also founded The Luckiest Club, where I’m a meeting leader.
She says:
“The typical question is,
‘Is this bad enough for me to have to change?’
The question we should be asking is,
‘Is this good enough for me to stay the same?’
And the real question underneath it all is,
**‘Am I free?’”
Whew. That last one hits, right?
Am I free?
Free from hiding?
Free from shame?
Free from anxiety spirals and broken promises to yourself?
Because that’s what recovery is. It’s not punishment.
It’s not exile.
It’s a path toward freedom.
So whether you’re a parent, an educator, in recovery, or still figuring it all out—just know this:
You are not alone.
You are not broken.
And you are absolutely not beyond hope.
You are worthy of support.
You are worthy of information.
You are worthy of connection.
You are worthy of freedom.
Thanks so much for spending time with me today.
If this episode moved you or made you think of someone you love, please share it. Word of mouth is the best compliment.
Let’s keep breaking the stigma and replacing it with compassion and understanding—for ourselves and for one another.
Thanks, y’all. I’ll see you next time.
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