“If I work harder, sacrifice more, and say yes more, I’ll feel better about my secret problem with alcohol.”
I used to tell myself this, and all I was doing was creating a greater incongruence between me and my truth, which was that I was addicted to alcohol.
One of my biggest unlearnings in sobriety was releasing the idea that my output isn’t tied to my worth as an individual.
“More” was a word that dominated my story for years.
If I could do more at work or for others, get more degrees, and get more accolades, I could drink more alcohol because I couldn’t possibly have a problem, right?!
I hoped that if I could work harder at everything BUT me, those external things would somehow offset how poorly I felt about myself as a result of my drinking.
If you’ve also negotiated your drinking with yourself by leaning on all you do for others, be they loved ones or the organizations you work for, I see you.
In a society that constantly asks us what we bring to the table, it’s a rebellious act to look inward and recognize that what we carry by simply being is already enough.
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