“Dopamine pursues more, not morality; to dopamine, force and fraud are nothing more than tools.” – Daniel Z. Lieberman, MD and Michael E. Long in The Molecule of More.
The Reframe Book Club I facilitate is currently reading The Molecule of More: How a Single Chemical in Your Brain Drives Love, Sex, and Creativity—and Will Determine the Fate of the Human Race, and the third chapter, called Domination, covers dopamine-fueled behaviors at length.
What is fascinating to read in this chapter is that humans can disconnect from their emotions driven by neurotransmitters that are not dopamine in search of dopamine hits. What is difficult for us as individuals in recovery is when we face the fact that many of the things we did to pursue these dopamine hits left us feeling like awful human beings.
The science in the text explains that when detached from those emotions that foster connection and relationship building, people are susceptible to doing just about anything to reach their next goal, including lying and other harmful behaviors. That is how potent dopamine is. Dopamine puts people in chokeholds and shrieks, “eff you and your values!”
This might look like:
- Skipping meals so you can “enjoy” your drinks.
- Lying to your partner about running an errand so you can buy liquor.
- The mom sneaking wine in her to-go cup and driving her kids around.
- Pouring extra drinks when no one is looking, knowing damn well that if you get caught, you’ll have to awkwardly explain what the hell you were doing.
- Stealing from people’s liquor cabinets.
- Spending time with shady people because they give you easy access to whatever you want to consume.
- Telling yourself you’re not going to drink, only to find yourself an hour later in line at the store.
- Anything that you look back on and want to facepalm over, I could go on forever, but I decided to stop here.
By the way, I’ve done most items on this list. Sharing just in case reading that list made you feel sick. I get it. I’ve been there. I still cringe sometimes and do self-coaching to remind myself that I’m not still there. I also create new thoughts to help me overcome the discomfort.
These new, more helpful thoughts include, My addictive behaviors resulted from my brain responding appropriately to an addictive substance. The second thought is the saying, I know better, so now I can do better. When shame and guilt over your prior poor decision-making come up for you, what are some thought statements you can tell yourself?
For my visual learners, a YouTube video linked here does an excellent job of visualizing how dopamine hijacks the brain. It tricks people with addiction into thinking they need more of their substance of choice when they might need food, a hug, or a nap. This is why I always prompt my clients who are in early recovery to eat well, rest, work on tools to manage their emotions and connect with others. The more thoroughly you meet your actual needs, the better your body and brain will be to manage triggers.
Be kind to yourself. Eat well, nap, and stay connected. Schedule a free coaching consultation with me for additional support if you need it.
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